Coming to a decision about ending a relationship of any kind is never easy, let alone a long-term intimate relationship, where there may be children, friendships and assets to consider. It is important to navigate such an issue with respect and care. Below, we set out our tips for handling such a delicate situation in a way that moves things forward without creating unnecessary tension and animosity.
Be prepared
Prepare, prepare, prepare. While you can’t foresee how such conversations will flow, it is important to know what you want from the conversation. For example, if you think your partner would be prepared to canvass anything in relation to the children, such as parenting arrangements, then this may be a good time to raise it. In doing so, it might reduce the risk of anxiety about this in the future. In the alternative, if you think it might inflame the situation and that news of wanting to separate is enough, then leave this discussion for a future time. Remember, being respectful and kind during the conversation can lead to a more amicable separation and an easier resolution for any later issues.
Arrange a time that suits your partner
Because tensions can run high in these conversations, make sure you choose a suitable time to give you the best chance of keeping things calm. We suggest picking a time where everyone is rested such as the weekend or a relaxed time after work, when there is less stress and communication can flow openly and hopefully, easily.
Get legal advice
Often, it is prudent to seek some legal advice before you have the conversation because such advice might assist you both to avoid court proceedings. Good advice from your lawyer might even assist you to avoid a stressful separation by giving you early knowledge about what is fair and reasonable in your circumstances. Knowledge is power and it is important to know where your rights and responsibilities lie in terms of a separation. It is also important to debunk any myths or assumptions about separation in a legal setting. For example, in Australia our rights and responsibilities are very different to the notion of divorce often portrayed on television. We suggest that you contact your family lawyer prior to that separation conversation to know where you stand.
Stay calm
No matter what happens, it is crucial to remain calm in these discussions. This is especially important if you have children with your ex-partner, where you need to consider the ongoing nature of the relationship required when you will both be co-parenting. Having an amicable relationship can certainly make communication and time arrangements for children easier in the future. Having a cool head can also ensure the conversation runs smoothly and the parties remained focused on the topic at hand.
Seek professional support
Seeking support such as counselling can certainly make the road to divorce easier and less painful. We suggest contacting the following professionals to support you through this transition:
- Psychologist or counsellor: to help relieve the emotional toll.
- Family lawyer: to understand your legal rights and responsibilities.
- General practitioner: to obtain a mental health care plan or other support and to ensure your physical health is still catered for during the process. Mental health and physical health go hand in hand.
- Community centres: for parenting courses and communication courses.
- Relationships Australia: relationship support services, including training and resources for healthy relationships.
Contact us
Dowson Turco Lawyers is Australia’s only Out Loud and Proud® LGBTQ+ law firm, servicing all communities. If you would like to get advice about your separation, the Dowson Turco family law team is ready to help. Feel free to contact us by phone at 02 8000 7300, or by email at enquiries@dowsonturco.com.au to book an initial conference. You can also connect with us on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn.
